Written on Saturday, March 25, 2006 6:36 PM
it's been a long long week.sigh,
Fry lost so many things,
but IT'S OK!
lol.
sports day was kinda funky...
i guess.
sigh.
i have like almost zero optimism in me left.
i know i can do it and get a timing of 2.20.
But i always feel so slow.
sometimes i wonder why i even bother to console people
when i have problems of my own.
went for cell today n the message that was preached was like reaching into my heart and pulling all the unclean and dirty stuff out.
even though u feel that life is meaningless and all that.
once you find ur purpose in life,
it wont be true anymore.
:)
Trainings have been ok so far i guess.
doesnt really matter anyway.
even though i dont feel anymore optimism,
I STILL PLACE MY FAITH AND TRUST IN GOD.
i know He will help me and guide me.
i know we can do it.
i just feel like being pessimistic.
sometimes i feel so jealous when _______ n ________ have so many contacts and are so darn popular,
but cause they are my teammates and i love them to bits
i try not to care.
sometimes i feel i'm insane.
like i shouldnt even be living.
sometimes i feel like im an eyesore to people
cause i always try to fit in.
sometimes i feel like im shunned,
like i dont belong.
sometimes i feel like people hate me
but they jsut dont say
sometimes i wish God made me more outgoing
so i could connect more with people.
but i just every single sometime,
feel that nth is going my way.
somehow or other,
...
that pretty sums up my life.
i sometimes feel i'm born to be invisible.
FREAK.
i just needed to get that all out of my system.
things havent been the same since the ______ incident
i can just feel it.
yet, they can all pretend it never happened.
im truly sorry about that day,
i was just too fustrated.
oh well.
maybe i should just leave others alone.
maybe they dont like it when people try to console them.
i know im irritating and i'll just keep away.
even though u guys dont exactly mean it.
i can feel that im not welcomed.
THEN SO BE IT.
i shouldnt bother to console people anymore.
i've got problems on my own.
i cant take it anymore.
my life is SCREWED.
and INSIGNIFICANT.
but doesnt that mean i havent found my purpose in life?
maybe,
but i dont fiund life boring.
i just feel insignificant.
i hate myself.
anyway,
the indians are coming over tmr.
will be going to Vs at 8 in the bloody morning
madness.
oh well.
(forgive me for the nonsensical ranting and crude words, i just needed to let it ALL OUT)
and you, YOU, YOUUUUU.... you do weird things to my heart.
arghh-_-